From Marsh Linham’s DBT Skills Training Manual
“INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP SKILLS”
DEARMAN GIVE FAST
D – Describe: Describe the situation in concrete terms and without judgment.
E – Express: Express feelings, conveying to the other party how the situation makes you feel.
A – Assert: Assert your wishes, i.e. clearly state what you do or do not want.
R – Reinforce: Reinforce why the desired outcome is desirable, and reward people who respond positively to the request.
M – Mindful: Be mindful and present in the moment, focused on the current goal.
A – Appear: Appear confident, adopting a confident posture and tone, and maintain eye contact.
N – Negotiate: Be willing to negotiate and give in order to get, with the understanding that both parties have valid needs and feelings
Moving on to relationship effectiveness, the DBT acronym is GIVE:
G – Gentle: Approach the other party in a gentle and nonthreatening manner, avoiding attacks and judgmental statements.
I – Interested: Act interested by listening to the other person and not interrupting.
V – Validate: Validate and acknowledge the other person’s wishes, feelings, and opinions.
E – Easy: Assume an easy manner by smiling and using a light-hearted, humorous tone.
Finally, the DBT acronym for self-respect effectiveness is FAST:
F – Fair: Be fair to yourself and to the other party, to avoid resentment on both sides.
A – Apologize: Apologize less, taking responsibility only when appropriate.
S – Stick: Stick to your values and don’t compromise your integrity to gain an outcome.
T – Truthful: Be truthful and avoid exaggerating or acting helpless to manipulate others.