I believe I was born an addict. As a kid I started using fantasy to escape. I would be so deep in a daydream at school I didn’t hear a thing. There is also a cute story in my family about me at 2 years old getting sips of champagne from all adults at my brothers christening until I passed out. The first time I caught that buzz from my fathers beer, at about 7 yrs old it was all over. I had found what was missing in my life. All the fear and nervousness was gone.
At 12 I was an everyday drinker along with pot. Amphetamines soon came into the picture to prolong my drinking, along with downs to come down from the ups. At 28 in 1989 collapsed in street from bleeding ulcer, I’m sure aggravated by straight vodka and cocaine, and made my first AA meeting after releas from hospital. Hated it, thought it was for losers and why did I have to hear about a guy eating out of garbage when I lived well and only worked 4 nights a week. I tried on my own for the next 12 years without 12 step meetings and was in and out the whole time with my binges getting progressively worse.
By ’99 I was jobless and about to become homeless I entered detox on Christmas Eve. How bad do you have to be to go in on Christmas Eve? I was that bad, couldn’t go another day. I stayed clean 9 mos, relapsed for 6 days went to rehab again saying I will take all their suggestions no matter how stupid I’ll give it a try. I was convinced it wouldn’t work for me but even with that attitude the anniversaries kept coming. I did what they said in 12 step program and today I am clean over 15 years.
The moral is DON’T give up!! It takes what it takes and if I can get it anyone can. I hope this helps someone.