My recovery story begins when I asked for help getting out of an abusive relationship. I was dating a guy who gave no regard to me or my body. He made me have sex with him and do sexual things every time we were together. I was afraid of him. I never directly said no but I resisted his advances and told him I was afraid and he was hurting me. None of this made a difference to him. He always told me we didn’t have to have sex when we were together so I went back with him believing him time and time again.
I got so low on myself I started believing it was my fault because I kept going back and giving him more chances. One night I had finally had enough we were skyping and he told me he wanted me to be his birthday gift, basically to go somewhere he found that was very private and have sex. He told me he could tell I wasn’t into all the stuff we did before and he hoped I was more into it this time. This just struck a nerve I realized I needed out.
He was able to frankly tell me he knew I didn’t wanna to do any of that stuff and he continued anyway. I went to school the next day and started bawling. I told one of my friends what happened because I didn’t know what to do and was terrified to tell my parents. She made me tell our teacher who told the principle and guidance counselor. The cops got called and my parents got called too. They reacted how I figured they would: anger and sadness. I went and talked to a detective who was very nice. He turned my case over to different ones because it happened in that area.
Long story short since I didn’t directly say “no” and since I was at the age of consent nothing could be done. This both relieved me and angered me. I didn’t want him to chance going to court because if I lost he would get mad and come after me I figured. However it angered me that just because I didn’t directly say “no” my fear and other forms of saying “no” meant nothing and he’d get to be free.
I’ve been working with a wonderful counselor from victims services whose been helping me deal with all of this. I’ve been realizing that none of this was my fault and he took all my choices away. I had one in the whole relationship which was to go out with him for the first time. He used his age to his advantage to manipulate and hurt me.
I write I draw and I run to help me deal with things. I also got his number blocked and changed my number. I’ve got a number of safety plans in place in case he’d ever decides to come back. I still suffer from nightmares and flash backs but I know how to deal with them now. I’ve got love and support from everyone around me that helps alot. I’ve got a long way to go but I’ve also come a long way. I won’t let him control my life anymore.