As a child I knew something was wrong with me. I remember wanting to die at age 5. My life has been difficult in so many ways. I have been married 8 times, I leave because there must be something wrong with them that they love me. Severe depression has driven me to attempt suicide, which for unexplained reasons someone unexpected showed up. I decided to get professional help 6 years ago at age 46. I still was unable to talk about anything. My family never knew what I was feeling, just that I was strange. I was sure I could not be helped. I sunk into the darkest depression until desperate to stay alive I wrote down my feelings to take to my therapy session. They were in the form of poetry.
I handed them to my therapist and her reaction was shocking. She helped me name them and type them up. I began sharing through poetry and was encouraged to publish my poems. It was extremely terrifying to let my family and friends the real me. The desire to reach out to the suffering in silence was stronger than the fear.
Writing and sharing has changed my life in so many ways. My book is a journey from the darkest day to a transformation of self acceptance. I have Bi Polar, PTSD, Social Phobia, Sex abuse survivor. I now have hope for what’s to come. This poem is the first one I wrote and shared. It is how trapped in the darkness I was. I wish I could share all of them so you can see that its possible to live with peace, love and joy.